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GOVERNMENT / THE ELITE -
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TRANSCRIPT OF PRESIDENT'S CHAT WITH DOUBLE AMPUTEE WMD HUNTER DURING TOTALLY NON-GROTESQUELY EXPLOITATIVE SOUTH LAWN PHOTO OP

Posted in the database on Friday, June 30th, 2006 @ 15:19:09 MST (5934 views)
from whitehouse.org  

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The South Lawn

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

THE PRESIDENT: OK, you ready Sergeant?

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: Then let's roll!

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

[Begin Jogging.]

THE PRESIDENT: Well I'll be damned. You really can run on them little boomerang things!

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: That is really cool, Sergeant. I can't believe how you don't even need to put shoes on them. It must be nice not to have to buy new sneakers anymore.

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: Hey, remember that day we met in the hospital? The day you asked me if I'd go jogging with you? And I said yes?

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: Well I gotta admit, I figured that was just another one of my bullshit empty promises. There were cameras in the room with us, after all. I mean, here you were, all freshly stumpy, talking about running? I bit my tongue so hard to keep from laughing, I was lisping like a fairy for almost a week. You know what I mean?

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: Of course, when they told me this photo op was actually going to happen, I was pretty pissed at first. I mean, look at my big fat ass and beer belly these days; do I look like someone who still jogs? I can't. My knees are totally shot. But Karl assured me that yours are too, so it wouldn't matter.

Hey, watch out for that lump of Barney fudge over there.

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: Man, how cool is this for you? You're actually running on the White House lawn with me! You're like, officially historicalistic now.

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: I'll bet this one half hour makes all the excruciatingly pain of a severe trauma injury worth it – not to mention the months of intensive care and getting to spend the rest of your life teetering around on those robo-pogo stick things. Am I right or what?

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: Hey, can I ask you a question about the military?

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: So after everything that has gone down in Vietraq: there being no WMDs, no connection to 9/11TM, no post-invasion plan, no exit strategy, and tons of you getting killed and having your limbs blown off... most grunts still love me, right?

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: And most still believe in the mission, right?

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: Even though we're totally losing, and nobody really knows what the mission is – except for all that meaningless blah-blah about FREEDOM®?

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: Awesome. It's exactly that kind of unquestioning, brainwashed groupthink that makes me love combat units. Well, not enough to have actually joined one in Vietnam. But still, you know what I mean, right?

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: Ooops – you OK? You looked like you almost lost your balance there for a second. You sure you're gonna make it through the full lap?

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: Good. Because you know, I'm not big on those metaphor things, but having you, a fresh-faced patriot who was needlessly mutilated in my personal vendetta war against Saddam Insane, do a messy faceplant in front of the White House with all these photographers around... Well... That would be a real PR shit sandwich for me.

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: In fact, fear of that is half the reason I can't seem to wipe this twisted, tortured grin off my face. Well, that and I can't decide if the sight of us together will make folks think I'm compassionate, supportive and determined – or whether it comes off as a kind of grotesquely ironic exploitation of an innocent victim of my mendacity and incompetence.

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: Shut up. That wasn't a question. Anyway, we're almost at the finish line here, so you slow down and let me win.

FREEDOM®-FIGHTER: Sir, yes sir!

THE PRESIDENT: Good boy.

[END TRANSCRIPT]

_________________

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