Help, Help, Help, dear Jesus! Those nasty secular liberal humanists
are making war on Christmas. Jesus, please intercede, or if you are too busy
then ask Mary if she can get your Daddy to do something quickly. Fox News, Bill
O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, John Gibson, not to mention James Dobson, and
Jerry Falwell all report Christmas is under assault.
Those secularists control the newspapers, radio, TV, our government, and our
universities. When I go to the Christian Wal-Mart store to get my household
supplies, the clerk says Happy Holiday instead of Merry Christmas. We need legislators
to pass a Constitutional amendment requiring everybody to say "Merry Christmas,"
otherwise people might say "Happy Hanukkah" or "Happy Kwanzaa."
The United States has become so accommodating in its multiculturalism that Christians
can’t even tell those who don’t believe in Jesus that they are going
This war against Christmas has caught Christians by surprise. Thank the Lord
for John Gibson of FOX News. His new book, "The War On Christmas: How
The Liberals Plot To Ban The Sacred Christmas Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought"
exposes the liberal Democrats’ anti-God strategies. What a coincidence
that Gibson’s book should come out just in time for Christmas! Gibson’s
foreknowledge of this liberal satanic plot must reflect God’s omniscience
rather than a planned scheme of right-wing ideologues.
Thankfully, Jerry Falwell of Liberty University and James Dobson of Focus on
the Family each are reported to have over 800 attorneys scouring the countryside
looking to sue those who would hinder the use of the sacred name "Christmas."
I pray that God give them a special dispensation so that they can ignore Jesus’
teaching on being reconciled with your opponents (Mt 5: 21-26).
Moreover, certainly Jesus did not mean what He said about "if anyone wants
to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also" (Mt 5:40).
That could only apply to non-believers.
Of course Christians should never have to forgive others, especially seventy
times seven (Mt 18:21-22) unless it is the Christians who have done wrong and
need forgiveness from each other.
"Christians must demand an apology when insulted" declared Catholic
League for Religion and Civil Rights President Bill Donohue. Christians should
sue for damages whenever they have their feelings hurt. Though Jesus said, "Blessed
are you when people insult you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you
because of me, rejoice and be glad" (Mt 5:11-12), one cannot be bothered
with technicalities. With all the different bibles available, there must be
It is a good thing courageous leaders like Falwell and Dobson have the foresight
to manufacture threats of war. Fear mongering is a proven strategy. Karl Rove
and Dick Cheney have proven that fear motivates, especially amongst Christians.
After all, it was fear of Hell and the need for fire insurance that corralled
them in the first place. Fear works every time.
The Taliban fundamentalists set a good example for Christians. To hell with
the outdated Christmas message of "peace on earth, good will toward men."
If people don’t measure up to ‘our true’ Christian standards,
than either put them in jail or shoot them. Christians must get respect, whatever
way necessary. As President Bush said, "either you’re for us or against
Christmas can never be too worldly! Now that corporate America and fundamentalist
Christianity have merged under the GOP banner, they can proudly demand the same
grandstanding privileges. Jesus called it "practicing your righteousness
before men to be noticed by them…sound a trumpet… when you pray…stand
on the street corners so you may be seen of men" (Mt 6:1– 7). Make
sure everyone knows how religious you are. Than all the ungrateful reprobates
will repent and be good disciples like us.
The coup d’etat is almost complete. Corporate America, the FOX
like media, and the fundamentalist owned GOP have seduced religious-minded America.
What better way to excite gullible Christians, amass more offerings, and generate
corporate earnings than a fabricated war on Christmas? At the next FOX board
meeting after Christmas, O’Reilly, Gibson, and Hannity can join CEO Rupert
Murdoch and their GOP legislative lackeys in singing, "What a friend we
have in Jesus"!