Let us all now pray that the world's poor can hold on just a little bit longer and possibly find just enough to eat while the world's obscenely rich chic and trendy get their show on the road and hold that fabulous concert for the world's poor. The world's poor will just have to eat rocks during the interim.

Sir Bob has been knighted by the Queen of England. Yup, Sir Bob holds the Order of the Snappy Garter as given by Her Royal Highness Lizzie the Deuce from Windsor. That is some rarified air that Sir Bob hangs out in.

He is inviting a few of his close and personal friends to come over and get jiggy with it for the world's poor -- Sir Paul McCartney, Bono, Sting, Madonna (I think she got an invite), and well, a veritable galaxy of those fabulously famous and indulged-to-excess rock luminaries. They are all coming out for the world's poor. That is just too extra special. That is just fabulously humane of the world's richest rock pampered and social elite.

Just in case you are one of a slightly younger social order, Sir Bob Geldof was a rock star back in the eighties and fronted a band named the Boomtown Rats. Sir Bob made a mountain of money from the Boomtown Rats and transformed that pile o'bucks into some spectacular investments and presto, Midas was jealous.

Sir Bob gave up the rock circuit and became a humanitarian, which in the everyday vernacular means that once in a while Sir Bob gives some of his fabulously famous piles of money away and holds a concert with a few of his special rock friends and pats himself on the back and waits for Queen Lizzie to punch him up a new garter or whatever.

Sir Bob amassed such an amazingly fabulous mountain of money, Sir Bob bought himself an English estate. He probably named it Castle Boomtown, but so far as I know Sir Bob has never hosted the world's poor at his castle for a little pate soiree. Nope, the impoverished aren't up to the proper snuff and being mostly of a dirty sort, it would rankle the neighbors to let the world's poor into the castle.

So, Sir Bob comes down from the castle every so often and does the world's poor one famously fabulous favor and puts on a concert with his fabulously famous pals. The world's poor, of course, do not get invitations to the concert. Why is that? And no, there have been no extra food deliveries to the world's poor during their interminable wait for Bob‘s spectacular. Schedules have to be checked and Sir Bob's people have to get in touch with all of the other people's people and there are the meetings and sushi, wine with cheese affairs, and power meetings over latte. Complications, oh those accursed complications.

Sir Bob is going to pull off multiple concerts for the world's poor all around the world, and that would be England and America -- one or two concerts in the Isles and six, I believe, in the good old U.S. of A. Oh, be still my beating heart! Now stay with me for just a tirade or two as this gets better by the minute.

Brad Pitt, Hollywood heartthrob, bon vivant, suave, debonair, and fabulously famous as well as famously attractive wonder boy, is involved as well as Sir Bob. Pitt's thing here in America is called the “One” movement. I'm willing to bet that some Madison Avenue research marketing firm billed Pitt and his associates simply fabulously astonishing amounts of money to come up with that gem.

Now, you may have seen some of their movements commercials or “public service announcements” on television. Maybe not, but they run pictures of the “stars” that are involved and what do you know? Right there in the middle of Pitt's amazing humanitarian gesture for the world's poor is the Rev. Pat Robertson. Yes, that Rev. Pat Robertson, of the homophobic, hate-mongering, and Bush-supporting Robertsons. Robertson must have had some sort of epiphany thing or Pitt has gotten the good Rev absolutely stoned out of his mind and it was all a trick. Seeing that Robertson was involved with Pitt, turned me off right then.

Now here's the thing. These concerts for the world's poor, disaster-ed, tragedy prone, and horribly suffering are, I suppose, a good thing. The problem is, the poor and suffering don't see the money that is made from these poignant events. All of the “stars” that throw in on these events are paid by the concert promoters. Oh yes, it's true. The “stars” put up a nice face that their time is “donated,” but it's a lie. The “stars” are given tax write-offs, plush little extras, appearance fees, a slice of the profits from any music that is marketed, and their travel expenses are paid by the concert promoters, so these “charity” affairs are, in very real fact, not charity at all.

These affairs are “feel good protocols” for elites who have entirely too much, so they need a little salve for those pained souls of theirs. It is all bullshit. If Sir Bob, Brad Pitt, Bono, Sir Paul, Madonna, and the legions who hang with our upper crust were concerned even in the least, they would just collect one huge bucket full of their easily acquired wealth and make a trip to Sam's Club and buy the goods necessary for the world's poor to live on. Give it to Doctors Without Borders, the International Red Cross, the Red Crescent, or any number of actual charity organizations that do real and on-the-spot work. Then, the “stars” can go back to their swank digs and keep a low profile until the next whatever-it-is that those fabulously famous and trendy do.

Now, I need to make one of those colossal existential leaps of spleen here and tie in another issue that has got me full volume maximum pissed off. I received an email “notice of pending action” thing from the Act Now to Stop War and End Racism coalition, that is in coalition with United for Peace and Justice, that is in coalition with the Rainbow Coalition, that is in coalition with a collective of Quakers who are thinking about forming a coalition for a cooperative coalition of peace activists and hangers-on from the Democrats that are in coalition with absolutely nobody. The end result of their “pending notice of action” email is this: On September 24, 2005, we're all going to hold another protest. On September 24, 2005? Hmmm, I don't know but, what are all these coalitions waiting on?

I'm curious to know exactly how many innocent Iraqi people will have died or will have been “disappeared” by our marvelous and fabulously famous military coalition of the willing, by September 24, 2005. I'm fairly certain that the Iraqi people couldn't give a rat's ringlet what the anti-war coalitions are doing on that date. I'm fairly certain that the Iraqi people are dying today, and that the Iraqi people are being “disappeared” right now by our very own coalition of the vehemently brutal.

Jeez kids, what in the hell is your hurry? I know, it's the barbecue season. I know, it's the vacation season. I know, there isn't a presidential election pending so the Democratic Party's enthusiasm is more than a mite spent. But come this September 24, well, everyone should be all heads-up by then.

It is bullshit. The entire anti-war movement is bullshit, and let's not mince metaphors over pending protests.

Geldof and the concert for the world's poor, coupled with a pending September 24, 2005 protest of genocide in Iraq seems just a trifle disingenuous. Accursed scheduling problems, yeah that's the ticket. What bullshit!

A final thought and parting shot. Hell Sir Bob, how come Snoop Dogg isn't on your program? How come Steve Harvey isn't on your program?

Hell Bono, I saw that news clip of you and Condoleezza Rice walking together. What a cute picture. I know the gendarmes won't let anyone give that genocidal bitch the solid soccer-hooligan-style headbutt she deserves, square between her evil eyes, but how could any decent human being stand next to her without at least shouting at her? I could have worlds of respect for you, Bono, had you done that. Can you imagine all of the innocent Iraqi women and children Rice has managed to facilitate in death? Hell, Bono, maybe you can't.