1. Does the newscast you are watching mention the word "Aruba" more than 10 times per week?

Yes = 1245 points
No= 0 points

2. Has your favorite newspaper or television news program attempted to explain the complex relationship between the invasion of Iraq and the increasing influence of Iran in the region?

Yes = 0 points
Yes, and the word "ironic" was used = -877 points
No = 35 points

3. When covering the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, were any of the following words or phrases used: "extreme poverty", "racism", or "national disgrace"?

Yes = 0 points
No = 298 points

4. Do you know, to the nearest $10 million, the value of the reconstruction contracts awarded to Halliburton following the invasion of Iraq?

Yes = 0 points
No = 11 points
Never Heard of "Halliburton" = 1288 points

5. In a typical half-hour television newscast, how many minutes of actual news to you receive (excluding commercials, sports, cross-promotion, celebrity fluff, weather and anchor pontification)?

4 minutes = 190 points
14 minutes = 3 points
24 minutes = -76 points

6. What is the total number of media companies the owner of your main source of news controls?

1 = 0 points
5 = 5 points
500 = 10,000 points

7. Does the newspaper you read contain editorials by Thomas Friedman?

Yes = 33 points
No = 0 points

8. Have you ever heard or seen Noam Chomsky in the media you use?

Yes = -900 points
Yes, but he was described as a crackpot Marxist conspiracy-nut = 450 points
No = 900 points

9. Did your local media outlets do two or more of the following: (a) censor a cartoon for using the nickname "Turd Blossom" for Karl Rove; (b) pixelate the naked rear-end of an animated character; (c) run anti-Kerry ads paid for by pro-Bush Swift Boat veterans; (d) stop playing the Dixie Chicks; (e) fail to notice that every justification for going to war with Iraq turned out to be bogus?

Yes = 377 points
No = 0 points

10. Would you like to see President Bush take part in televised, weekly, unscripted Q & A sessions with national and international journalists?

Yes = 0 points
No = 25 points Unfamiliar with term, "unscripted Q&A sessions" = 890 points

Your score...

5 and above: You have access to a steady stream of objective and balanced news. You need to remain vigilant, however.

1-5: You are in grave danger of being brainwashed. Contact your cable operator, Internet service provider, local newspaper and spiritual advisor.

0 and below: You should leave Venezuela/Canada/Sweden immediately.