At the beginning of the “news hour” there are 5 to 7 advertisements for toilet deodorants, toothpaste, soft-drinks, suppositories, male enhancement pills, cars new and used, and self-promotional ads for the news services. Then the “anchors” come on, exchange pleasantries, mention the latest movie or entertainment award, and introduce each other and a news reader.

The newsreader reads carefully scripted and edited reports of how well we are doing in Iraq, shows Bush swaggering and chortling to a highly selected audience, gives ten second bites of some Republican senator praising his party, gives a three second summary of fighting between India and Pakistan and announces a National Day of Prayer.

This is followed by another 5 to 8 advertisements, after which most of the “news” is dedicated to the useless lives of entertainers and sports figures, or discusses the possible juxtaposition of sex organs of some people who happen to be “popular” because of press agents or getting involved in a drunken brawl.

Tittilation by semi-nudity, is often followed by descriptions of the shoes or clothing or hair-do, and names of designers of apparel. Accessories such as ear-rings, nipple-rings, belly-rings, lip and nose rings, are shown in detail. In this way the public can forget their own blighted lives, and vicariously participate in the lives of non-entities before going to work.

Then comes a literary figure. Someone wrote a book, or poem, and is asked about it in the most superficial way possible. This fills about 5 minutes which is easily avoided by a quick visit to the bathroom.

Then follow another 5 to 8 advertisements with perhaps a “public-service” announcement. Then comes the real news of the day: the weatherperson, who shows actual shots of tornados, hail, flood, earthquake, houses sliding down hill-sides and lets us know if we can plan a picnic or head for cover.

And, finally, another 5 to 8 advertisements, each guaranteed to bring us happiness, fulfillment, good smells, tasty food, cheap toiletries, and successful fornication.